Still Learning

A lot of time has gone by since I have posted last, and a lot has happened. Let me catch you up where I am now. I had my last week at North Kingston High School which was nothing short of phenomenal. I finished my last day of lessons with a student led Socratic Seminar. The results were pretty incredible to see in action and I left the high school flying high and feeling like a superstar.

The higher you fly, the harder it is coming back down.

 Going into the middle school was something of quite a culture shock. My first day there the seventh graders were working on finishing final drafts of their poems that they had been working on all week. As I went around the room reading their work, I experienced the one of the first, of multiple life changing experiences. Their work showed images of death, abuse, and broken hearts. Inside I was struggling with who I was in the seventh grade. I was struggling with the contrasting ideals of my sheltered life, having grown up in suburban Bristol, Rhode Island. The drive home that day was me bent over my steering wheel and crying the entire 40 minute ride home. I had to come to terms with something that day, and every day thereafter. No matter how badly I was feeling for what these children have gone through, and have been forced to struggle with, I was not doing them any good by feeling bad for them. If anything, I was only making matters worse. I was just another person spending wasted energy on feeling bad for them, instead of seeing the wealth of knowledge they are capable of learning during our short time together in the next 5 weeks, and the wealth of knowledge they would in turn teach me.

Sitting here, in this moment, having just come from a walk on the beach with my dog, Marley, and am now typing away on my laptop in a cozy little café downtown, I am thankful. I am thankful for being so lucky to have been born with such privileges. And thankful for the opportunity to learn from others, when I have been so focused on what I could teach and forgetting one of my most basic beliefs. That learning is a two way street, and I’m still learning as I go.

"What an astonishing thing" !!

My "Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong"

 

In order to give tribute to my unit on The Things They Carried, I will call the student I would like to share about today, Mary Ann.

Mary Ann is a twelfth grade honors student and is eccentric as seen in the way she dresses, as she shows her personality and flair for the dramatic, each and every day lining her blue eyes with thick black eyeliner. Blonde hair streaked with bits of turquoise and faded purple. At the start of my time here at North Kingston High School, Mary Ann would grimace at just the sound of my voice. Directions were met with sighs of exasperation and a rolling of her eyes, her paint-splattered fingers tapping the desk in annoyance. I remained calm and ignored her slight outbursts refusing to let it show that I even noticed.

Each class I say hello to all students, making small talk before the start of class. And it was this way that my relationship with Mary Ann began. Though it was teeny-tiny steps, it was none the less the start. One morning as I talked with one of her peers that sits right next to Mary Ann, I could feel Mary Ann looking me up and down, her eyes scanning me, looking for what I do not know.

In class something started happening, where Mary Ann had once resorted to expelling huge amounts of breath, sighing and hissing in order to show her disinterest, Mary Ann began to get involved in the conversation; throughout the period adding her voice with something resembling interest in the topic at hand.

Mary Ann has not undergone a complete transformation by any means, as I still see her making faces in response to something I say or do, but no longer do I see it as being in response to me personally- Mary Ann, while bright and completely capable of the work, simply does not want to do it. But once the lesson has gotten underway, and the ball is rolling, Mary Ann joins in.  It seems to me that once Mary Ann notices others’ interest, it sparks her interest as well. Her comments, once voiced, are creative and always interesting to listen to.

I think that with any added creative element to the lesson, Mary Ann dives in head first. Other assigned tasks take a bit more of her effort in order to get motivated to complete it.

Her future will take her down a road that is artistic and creative, I can see her excelling when it comes to these areas, and I think that having opened up just a little, it cracked her hard exterior, Like Mary Ann in The Things They Carried who is able to find her true self in the dark recesses of the Jungle, My Mary Ann will find her way as well…

Pebbles

“To create more positive results in your life, replace ‘if only’ with ‘next time’.”
Author Unknown

I am happy to say that time strengthens relationships. In the beginning walking through the hallways, I was just another unknown face. Now, as I walked out of the faculty lunch room today, it was “hey Ms. P” from students as well as hello’s from other teachers, all of them addressing me by name. My favorite part was having a student tell another teacher she had fun taking part in a debate I had focused on gender and women in war. It took place after reading “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong” and students had just reflected on Mary Ann’s actions in the chapter. We read articles about female soldiers in Iraq, as well as viewed clips documenting women’s service in the military. Armed with information, students were split in half: one side arguing the pro's of women in war the other side arguing the con's. Time was spent on going over the language used, and the level of voices when speaking to one another. With structure's in place, it provided suitable behavioral limits and allowed for an intriguing conversation.

I am still working on time management, it seems that every time I go to put a time on how long a discussion will take, it either runs completely short- falling on its face- or runs so over I have to cut something else out of my lesson in order to allow ample time for everyone to get a turn speak. I have made some adjustments and have gotten better when looking at where I started. But still… I’m learning.

I still need to work on my authoritative voice. This is something I have been working on since my mini-lesson back at Coventry Middle School. I had just finished telling my cooperating teacher that I would be going to the High School next to give a lesson. Her eyes went all big and round as she said, “you’re going to get eaten alive.” Well, that hasn’t happened, nor will it, but I’m still ironing out the wrinkles. I've learned small actions add up; you should be in your seats when the bell rings signaling the start of class, if not you are late. Stay in your seats until the bell rings signaling the end of class, if not they just crowd around the door=chaos. Keeping class flowing is always a major plus, dead air=play time.

All of these pebbles seem to be just that, pebbles. But when they add up, they have the ability to feel like an avalanche. It’s easy to see where the classroom can get so out of hand, to feel like I’m going to be crushed under all of that weight. But in this shifty, topsy-turve land, it feels more like these small pebbles are giving me the opportunity to climb higher…