Moving Forward

I walked into Davisville Middle School unsure of what to expect. I haven’t been feeling completely back to my normal self since leaving Esek Hopkins and have found myself to be… how shall I put this, more guarded. Through the front door and into the main office, I am met with “hello’s” and warm smiles, as well as a Davisville agenda.

“You must be Laurie’s new student teacher, I’m Pat, Laurie is waiting for you in room 105.”

This feels... It feels like how a middle school should feel. Grades sixth through eighth for children are ones of extreme change and growth, both physically and mentally. It’s the time in life when they truly begin figuring out who they are and who they will be. This time is especially hard as children at these ages need to feel like they are both safe and secure to be able to figure themselves out. Davisville feels like this sort of place. Teachers are warm and quirky, the way all middle school teachers should be, allowing students to see the acceptance of knowing oneself and owning it. They are in a school with community, as teachers cluster in the hallways excited to see one another on a daily basis- a true model for students to see what it looks like to work together and to get along. There is an air comfort as well as that spark of learning I can literally see as I peek into the open doors of classrooms throughout the day. It looks like students leaning forward in their seats and genuinely interested in what the teacher is saying, in what their peers are saying.

It reminds me of my own experiences at Kickemuit Middle School, it was the first time I remember having to make choices. Deciding to focus on school work or bunk first period with Charlotte* who all of a sudden began hanging out with James* who, a year ahead of us, I knew he was trouble. needless to say I watched my friendship with Charlotte* fade away...

Middle School was the place where I remember connecting with teachers who made me want to become a teacher. The place where I began to figure myself out, and the place I saw my future begin to unravel… 

Now, having spent the last two weeks at Davisville, I am feeling more like myself. the students have allowed me into their lives without question as well as the other teachers on Team A. I love that aspect of middle school, the idea of being on a team and feeling like when you need a little help, it is never that far away.

 

*Names have been changed

Starting to feel alot like Spring time!

I’ve been doing quite a bit thinking lately. This is mostly because I’ve been out of the classroom for the last two weeks, and have had plenty of time to do it. I’ve also gone through a wide range of emotions. Each of which have taken me a little bit farther from the place I was two weeks ago, which was rock bottom. Having had to leave my placement because of the difficulties that arose, I find that while at first I was aggravated to have to start anew, I am now excited for the opportunity to start with a clean slate. To tell you the truth that is really the best viewpoint to have. Looking back at what happened doesn’t change what lies ahead, nor does it change what I’ve worked so hard at the last two years. I realize that this sounds very vague to you reading this, but it is the best way to proceed.

So here’s to fresh beginnings and a new start at Davisville Middle School.

Still Learning

A lot of time has gone by since I have posted last, and a lot has happened. Let me catch you up where I am now. I had my last week at North Kingston High School which was nothing short of phenomenal. I finished my last day of lessons with a student led Socratic Seminar. The results were pretty incredible to see in action and I left the high school flying high and feeling like a superstar.

The higher you fly, the harder it is coming back down.

 Going into the middle school was something of quite a culture shock. My first day there the seventh graders were working on finishing final drafts of their poems that they had been working on all week. As I went around the room reading their work, I experienced the one of the first, of multiple life changing experiences. Their work showed images of death, abuse, and broken hearts. Inside I was struggling with who I was in the seventh grade. I was struggling with the contrasting ideals of my sheltered life, having grown up in suburban Bristol, Rhode Island. The drive home that day was me bent over my steering wheel and crying the entire 40 minute ride home. I had to come to terms with something that day, and every day thereafter. No matter how badly I was feeling for what these children have gone through, and have been forced to struggle with, I was not doing them any good by feeling bad for them. If anything, I was only making matters worse. I was just another person spending wasted energy on feeling bad for them, instead of seeing the wealth of knowledge they are capable of learning during our short time together in the next 5 weeks, and the wealth of knowledge they would in turn teach me.

Sitting here, in this moment, having just come from a walk on the beach with my dog, Marley, and am now typing away on my laptop in a cozy little café downtown, I am thankful. I am thankful for being so lucky to have been born with such privileges. And thankful for the opportunity to learn from others, when I have been so focused on what I could teach and forgetting one of my most basic beliefs. That learning is a two way street, and I’m still learning as I go.

"What an astonishing thing" !!

My "Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong"

 

In order to give tribute to my unit on The Things They Carried, I will call the student I would like to share about today, Mary Ann.

Mary Ann is a twelfth grade honors student and is eccentric as seen in the way she dresses, as she shows her personality and flair for the dramatic, each and every day lining her blue eyes with thick black eyeliner. Blonde hair streaked with bits of turquoise and faded purple. At the start of my time here at North Kingston High School, Mary Ann would grimace at just the sound of my voice. Directions were met with sighs of exasperation and a rolling of her eyes, her paint-splattered fingers tapping the desk in annoyance. I remained calm and ignored her slight outbursts refusing to let it show that I even noticed.

Each class I say hello to all students, making small talk before the start of class. And it was this way that my relationship with Mary Ann began. Though it was teeny-tiny steps, it was none the less the start. One morning as I talked with one of her peers that sits right next to Mary Ann, I could feel Mary Ann looking me up and down, her eyes scanning me, looking for what I do not know.

In class something started happening, where Mary Ann had once resorted to expelling huge amounts of breath, sighing and hissing in order to show her disinterest, Mary Ann began to get involved in the conversation; throughout the period adding her voice with something resembling interest in the topic at hand.

Mary Ann has not undergone a complete transformation by any means, as I still see her making faces in response to something I say or do, but no longer do I see it as being in response to me personally- Mary Ann, while bright and completely capable of the work, simply does not want to do it. But once the lesson has gotten underway, and the ball is rolling, Mary Ann joins in.  It seems to me that once Mary Ann notices others’ interest, it sparks her interest as well. Her comments, once voiced, are creative and always interesting to listen to.

I think that with any added creative element to the lesson, Mary Ann dives in head first. Other assigned tasks take a bit more of her effort in order to get motivated to complete it.

Her future will take her down a road that is artistic and creative, I can see her excelling when it comes to these areas, and I think that having opened up just a little, it cracked her hard exterior, Like Mary Ann in The Things They Carried who is able to find her true self in the dark recesses of the Jungle, My Mary Ann will find her way as well…

Pebbles

“To create more positive results in your life, replace ‘if only’ with ‘next time’.”
Author Unknown

I am happy to say that time strengthens relationships. In the beginning walking through the hallways, I was just another unknown face. Now, as I walked out of the faculty lunch room today, it was “hey Ms. P” from students as well as hello’s from other teachers, all of them addressing me by name. My favorite part was having a student tell another teacher she had fun taking part in a debate I had focused on gender and women in war. It took place after reading “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong” and students had just reflected on Mary Ann’s actions in the chapter. We read articles about female soldiers in Iraq, as well as viewed clips documenting women’s service in the military. Armed with information, students were split in half: one side arguing the pro's of women in war the other side arguing the con's. Time was spent on going over the language used, and the level of voices when speaking to one another. With structure's in place, it provided suitable behavioral limits and allowed for an intriguing conversation.

I am still working on time management, it seems that every time I go to put a time on how long a discussion will take, it either runs completely short- falling on its face- or runs so over I have to cut something else out of my lesson in order to allow ample time for everyone to get a turn speak. I have made some adjustments and have gotten better when looking at where I started. But still… I’m learning.

I still need to work on my authoritative voice. This is something I have been working on since my mini-lesson back at Coventry Middle School. I had just finished telling my cooperating teacher that I would be going to the High School next to give a lesson. Her eyes went all big and round as she said, “you’re going to get eaten alive.” Well, that hasn’t happened, nor will it, but I’m still ironing out the wrinkles. I've learned small actions add up; you should be in your seats when the bell rings signaling the start of class, if not you are late. Stay in your seats until the bell rings signaling the end of class, if not they just crowd around the door=chaos. Keeping class flowing is always a major plus, dead air=play time.

All of these pebbles seem to be just that, pebbles. But when they add up, they have the ability to feel like an avalanche. It’s easy to see where the classroom can get so out of hand, to feel like I’m going to be crushed under all of that weight. But in this shifty, topsy-turve land, it feels more like these small pebbles are giving me the opportunity to climb higher…

Hitting the Halfway Mark

It’s halfway through my time here at North Kingston High School and I cannot believe how quickly it has gone, and how much fun I have been having, and there is a slew of things on my mind at this point.

I am still continuously impressed with the simplicity of this idea: every day is a new day. As each day progresses, some better than others, I have found that this line has become my mantra all of its own accord. While I may be over-scrutinizing my last lessons blubber about “___________” (fill in the blank), they’ve already forgotten it by the time they walk out the door. And get this; there are mini days all within one day. The next period is a new start, a chance to re-do something I may have not liked, or that hadn’t gone as I’d first planned.

On a daily basis I am inspired throughout the day to be better than I was yesterday, to “always do my best” even though I am tired and slightly stressed. You put on a face and don’t show it. Teachers are truly master performers. An acrobat swinging through the air, we perform a certain “routine.”

I am continuously breaking it down. Each and every day I’m getting better at break dancing. Kidding. But seriously, though every lesson I create I see how it can be better, how adding or subtracting components streamline it to flow better. How when students don’t come back with what I want, it’s because I didn’t give enough direction. How in every lesson I observe I see the outlining “I do, we do, you do” really work its magic.

I am exciting to have hit this point, but even more excited for the time still ahead of me that allows me with the opportunity to ever improve.

Switching Gears

I’m watching the snow fall, building itself higher and higher into snow drifts that would reach my thighs, maybe even my waist. Writing on a piece of paper versus typing on a computer adds to the solitude I am feeling- but not lonely… peaceful.

In my last post I had feared having not completed as much of my unit as I had thought necessary to show as a bench marker for how far I had come- for how far I would be going. I knew that the responses from my peers were both reflective and endearing- but then I saw it in action.

Thursday I had was teaching a lesson I had formed around The Things They Carried and was going to have students start writing their own letters for homework, either to or from someone in the Vietnam War. I had students view a PBS film I had found online showing different wars/battles throughout history while narrators read letters written from the time. After the film, students responded to how they felt after viewing it- they were emotional and moved, many of them speaking from the point of view of the writers- they were in the perfect place to begin composing their own letters. But in my lesson plan, having not foreseen the emotion that would be felt here at this moment, I was planning on switching gears and going over a handout I had made on dialectical responses, a very structured writing format for students to utilize when finally having to write their papers. After all, the letter was supposed to be homework.

I watched the class for a moment, knowing the time I had put in creating the lesson plan for the day, knowing how it would affect the following lesson, and knew in my gut, that it felt plain wrong to switch gears, after all of the emotion they were feeling, to simply shut them down and proceed with the mechanics of the dialectical responses. And so, I made a quick change of plans, and allowed students to proceed with the writing on their letters. Their pieces of writing show the emotions they were feeling and how they truly invested pieces of themselves in the letters. I do not think I would have had the same affect had I moved forward as planned and assigned the letters for homework. So. Here's to being reflective my friends and thank you for being so supportive along the way.

“He that will not reflect is a ruined man.”
Asian Proverb

 

A Concussioned Revelation

I am sitting in the faculty lunch room next to a student teacher from URI. We have been introducing one another and talking about our backgrounds- you know, the small talk. He is quiet but easy to talk to and a comrade in this experience, as he too has a split placement and will be leaving NK after a mere seven weeks. He then goes on to pull out a master binder… it is filled with his unit… already completed and filled with print outs of handouts, I see, as he flips through the stack of pages.

I breathe in. I breathe out. I instantly think I may pass out. I briefly wonder how hard the floor is and if I will I get a concussion. You see, I have 2 lesson plans completed… sort of, the first I spent hours on. And I am not exaggerating. It took my hours to plan it, then to shift it, then to re-shift it. I tell my CT that I realize it should not have taken me this long, but in this place of analyzing and re-analyzing my every move, of asking myself, why am I doing this? Is this necessary? What am I trying to get out of this, for me, for my students? Well, it is necessary.

Ok so moving on, I don’t pass out. I have a mini anxiety attack, and then re-think my situation. And after walking myself through and talking myself off the cliff I calm down. I am not one to be a step ahead of the game- though I try; I work best week to week. And this is good for me, I have sketched out a brief outline of the big picture and so am confident in understanding where I’m heading, and the details are in the works.

From here I move on to a tiny revelation:

We all will have different experiences throughout student teaching, each of us coming to terms with, and discovering the ways in which we best perform. And while the road will be different for each of us, we all will end up in the same place, each one of us walking across the stage this May. And so to all of my comrades out there I say this, In the words of Dr. J. and Dr. C: each of us is an intelligent, capable human being; who love our subjects, who love kids. We wouldn’t have made it this far if we weren’t. We got this.

Discovering What I'm Capable of...What I'm Built For.

Looking Forward

More than a week in at North Kingston High School and I couldn’t be more excited about the time ahead of me. Having the opportunity to work with Mrs. Carty is more than I could have asked for, as she is supportive and knowledgeable, a truly good guide for me as I take on the role of student teaching. The last week and a half has eased me into a certain comfortability within the classroom, as I entered my first week as students were taking exams, and now being the start of the second semester, all in all it is the perfect time for my arrival.

As I look down the road at taking on more and more responsibilities within the classroom, I hope to channel my energy into creating thorough lesson plans that reflect my unique personality, and my beliefs based on my philosophies concerning teaching.

Here are a few I have intimate relationships with, or, in other words, that I have truly invested myself with:

Relationships lead to learning- learning alongside our peers and building a community that fosters brilliance in every area of life.

To encourage/appreciate the differences that makes us unique and the understanding that being mean to another human stems from fear.

I don’t know everything; but I will continually grow along with my students- learning is not 1-sided, and the day it becomes so will be the day I need to re-evaluate what I’m doing…

Knowledge is power- it is my job to show students the attainability of this power, and that it is available for all students- not just those going to college… it is actually useful in all aspects of life if you are a living, breathing, blood pumping organism that needs to communicate with others…